Slowly but Surely

Slowly but surely we are getting settled in to our new home! The two bedrooms (ours and Layla's) have been painted and furnished. The living room remains yet to be perfected.... :-) In the meantime we have established quite an adorable routine for Layla's bed & nap time, which involves snuggling with her kitty cat from Great Grandma and Grandpa in Florida. She has been introduce to water in a sippy cup, and she very avidly loves sticking it in her mouth and sucking on it! She hasn't got the hang of swallowing the water just yet, but she sure enjoys making a mess all over the couch and floor and her shirt. And, believe it or not, she is in the early stages of learning to crawl: pulling her legs up under her and scooting forward.

Poem

Nathanael was in Sonoma this weekend, shooting a photographer shooting a wedding. We actually do a lot of that--promotional videos for photographers (see www.forphotographers.heschle.com)

Anyways, he brought me home soaps, chocolates, wine, and a poem. Enjoy.

Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
I love you because I know no other way

In which there is no I or you
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand
so intimate that when you fall asleep it is my eyes that close.

Sleep

Since our move to Carpinteria on the 1st, Layla has been thrown off. Which has expressed itself primarily in the form of lots of screaming and little sleep. She has always had an aversion to nap time and bed time, perhaps because she is a little socialite and hates to be left alone in her crib. Napping in the car or stroller isn't a problem, but boy does she ever let us know her distaste for napping in her crib!

Well it has become quite unreasonable and so the past two days we decided we needed to put an end to her stubborness as it relates to sleep. We probably should have done this earlier, but we didn't. Anyways, the last two days we have made her stay in her crib regardless of how long and furiously she screamed about it. We sang to her and tried things to help her calm down--but would not actually take her out until after she had napped.

Letting a child "cry it out" is one of the hardest things to do. Because you love them. And to say "crying" isn't really adequate. It's more like piercing screams, pitiful heart-wrenching sobs of desperation. It's one thing to listen to someone else's kid cry, quite another to hear your own. But I am learning that the best thing for her (and for us) is not to let her have her own way or to give in.

She will be a happier baby if she can learn to sleep when she is tired without screaming for a solid half hour first. She will be a happier person if she can learn that she cannot be rescued out of every hard or unwanted situation but must be able to comfort herself and get through it.

Growing up is hard.

Growing Up

Last night Layla slept in her own room. It was so weird falling asleep without hearing her breathe. Makes me feel like my little baby is all grown up.

I didn't think I'd miss her. But I definitely did. Both of us did. Weird.

Oh Layla, you've changed our lives forever. And we love you. You've made your way into our hearts, and we will never be the same. It's hard to believe how fast you're growing up already. We love every moment with you. I will be sure to shower you with extra kisses when you wake up from your nap.

Love

Having a child takes love to a whole new level. In a good way.

I feel more deeply, I love more fully, I laugh more sincerely, my heart delights in life. Children are indeed a gift from God. How precious and wonderful that He entrusts us with them! It's hard to imagine that one day she will no longer want to snuggle, no more laugh at the smallest things I do, no longer cling to me. I am living this up, enjoying every moment of her at this age. She is precious. My heart swells with love and pride and delight and joy in her.

I am so thankful to God for this baby. It gives me a glimpse of how He must feel toward each of us. Now when I see a person, I think to myself, "How I feel about Layla is how God feels about them." Staggering. Such love. Such such tremendous love God has for us! And what is man that you are mindful of him?

The love of God is staggering. Amazing. Incredible. Breathtaking. Beautiful.

Local Politics

This is for fellow 805 area code people and any others who care about local Santa Barbara issues. :-) We are moving to Carpinteria on Friday and it appears that a oil company wants to move in too. Blech. Vote on Measure J.

Measure J (Venoco's Oil Drilling Initiative) from Ted Rhodes on Vimeo.

sea

In honor of Nathanael's birthday, we went on a surprise whale watching cruise. Being on the water made me realize just how much I have missed being on the water! The ocean is so vast, so calming, so relaxing. It's a different world out on the water. Somehow your cares and concerns seem to float away as all you focus on is the peaceful lapping of the water, the playful dancing of dolphins, the beautiful relationship of a mother gray whale and her calf making their migratory route to find food in colder waters. Add to that scores of jellyfish, sky diving pelicans, and bobbing sea lions...it made for a fantastic day.

I love the ocean.

Happy Earth Day, earth.

Happy Birth Day, Nathanael.