Today I am contemplating the difference between unselfishness and selflessness. One is proactive and the other is reactive. Being unselfish involves me initially being selfish and then trying to tell myself "no, don't think that, don't be that way." Like when my baby girl keeps waking me up through the night because she's having a hard time breathing because of her congested nose and throat, and I am just wanting to sleep but then I tell myself "it's more important to make sure she can breathe, stop being so selfish!" And then I start getting grumpy because all I really want is to sleep and so I get annoyed with whatever is standing in my way. Because I'm being selfish, and then feeling guilty about it, and then trying to be unselfish. But my heart isn't in it at all. My heart is looking out for myself.
Selflessness is when my heart is wanting what's best for someone else. And if I "suffer" as a result, it doesn't matter as long as the other person is better off. And so I am happy to be awake in the middle of the night to make sure my daughter can breathe, even if it means I am significantly sleep deprived and exhausted. And that I will continue to be kind to those around me, because it is not their fault I am tired and I should not take it out on them.
Those are my musings for the day.
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Wow, I feel like what you said goes absolutely hand in hand with my post you just commented on! It is so hard to be unselfish, let alone selfless, when you're exhausted like this. I truly feel your pain- my little one was born in October, so boy do I understand where you're coming from! (As you probably gathered from my post, it's an ongoing struggle for me.)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.